The Grinch

Season's greetings? Pfft. I now understand why I couldn't feel the Christmas air around. This holidays, I am the Grinch. I feel like one, act like one, and yes (right now) I look like one. I don't have a merry little christmas. I don't have the happy holidays. I didn't choose it to be like that, it grew in me because of so many f***ing things I'm angry about! You know, 'cause even if I choose otherwise, thinking about those things still makes me feel bad. In other words, I try to be happy this season, but the mood is always f***ed up when I'm reminded of how disappointed I am with a few specific things! I'm totally not expecting this one this year but this is by far the most frustrating Christmas ever! Every bit of b*llsh*t is right here in front of me. GRRR! I wish I can put em on here in details. I'm so furious right now that I wish I just disappear so I won't see everyone else having a f***ing good time and I'm not! I'm so f***ing jealous! And you know what? I don't even care if you don't know that; I'd rather have you not care anyway than make me think you do so just don't try. I'm talking to you people who always pretend to care. Well do you even know what that word means? 'Cause it means much to me and if you can't give me a real genuine one just don't bother! I don't wanna expect anything. I really hate it when they try sooo f***ing hard and they appear too good to be true..and come to think of it - they only care about you because they think you're expecting them to! What the f***. Thank you, but I think I can manage. That's just gonna ruin my already f***ed up life you know. Stop. Just please. I'm sick and I'm tired of false hopes. Don't I deserve real stuff at least? What a verryy sh*tty day! I don't think I deserve all these sh*t from everyone damn it. Can somebody just shoot me? This is headin nowhere anyway, right.

How cool, I am so good at acting too..bah, more like 'pretending'. But in my case, at present, I only pretend about one thing. Having a merry Christmas. Harr. It's good to receive gifts and take pictures and see the happy faces of my family. It's even better to drink and get knocked out a.s.a.p so I won't be able to use my brain the whole wasted hours doing so, and then I'd wake up to another day which I'd try to survive again. It's one way or another a tool to fast-forward reality. Whoa. My mind is creating so much emoness and nonsense. Nah, I don't care, it's the truth. So, enjoy your happy holidays!!